The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
