Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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