I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So here I am, sexting at work.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
