thus making me awesome and them whores
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
