I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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