just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
