Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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