i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
