he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
