I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
