Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
