suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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