We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
