no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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