remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
