i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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