O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
