How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
