Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
