And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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