how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
