he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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