Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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