he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
