I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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