got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
