I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
