I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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