Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
