I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
