i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
