Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
