I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
