I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
