Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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