I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
