stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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