And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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