I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
