oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
