I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
