You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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