as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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