dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
