why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
