I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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