any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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