i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
