nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
