He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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