sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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